'I'm here from the government'

April 13, 2009
| By Jim Hines |
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“I’m from the government and I’m here to help you” is a hackneyed joke line. Well, it’s time we stopped laughing because the joke is over. Just ask Rick Wagoner, GM’s former, now fallen, president.

I woke up March 30 to discover I was driving an automobile built by the U.S. Government Car Co. Just the day before I drove a Buick, a venerable General Motors car with its iconic signature port holes. Buick, Pontiac, Cadillac and even Chevy, the most American of American cars, were now wards of the state, their destiny managed by the same people that manage our overrun open borders and our ballooning national debt. The name plate didn’t say Obamamobile, yet “a rose by any other name …”

Adolph Hitler gave Germany its Volkswagen (“people’s wagon”) but I never dreamed America would have its own. But then I never dreamed this far-left reaching, just off the assembly line president would dare do so many things he has done, at least not at this blitzkrieg speed.

We baby boomers grew up with rides that were “the bomb.” We ran the quarter mile in muscle cars and mom’s sedan and panted like little kids at Christmas for the release of new models each fall. The music of a throaty four-barrel carburetor was once as much a sound of spring as chirping birds.

In 1933, Hitler met with Ferdinand Porsche regarding his concept of a people’s car that would carry four passengers, cruise up to 62 mph, get 33 mpg and cost only 1,000 Reich Marks. In 2009, our president and his government design crew meet regarding their concept of a people’s “green” car that will carry four passengers, cruise up to 62 mph, get 33 miles on a single battery charge, and cost only $20,000 dollars.

Today, after decades of bureaucratic gerrymandering, we predominately now drive eggs for cars, aerodynamic people’s wagons. This thanks to government-mandated CAFE standards and skyrocketing production costs. Sure, there are some four-wheel renegades left, principally SUVs and high-end sports cars, but their days are numbered, as Feds hunt them down with ever higher taxes, fuel and luxury fees.

“I’m here from the government and I’m here to help you” — out of your dream car and into smaller “green” transportation, out of capitalist individuality and into socialist conformity, help you run your companies, set your prices and fire your management. Help is on the way!

In the meantime, captains of industry, leave the jets in the hangar and keep a low profile. Small businessmen, don’t get smug, you’re next. And for heaven’s sake don’t take any calls from Tim Geithner.

Jim Hines
Ada

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